Friday, January 21, 2011

Let's start with letting go... of all the drama.

Being in Thailand for three weeks now has got me thinking of the things I miss in the Philippines. Do I miss the country? Maybe. Do I miss the people? Definitely.

I decided to give the idea of working in another country a shot just four months ago. It was one of those spur of the moment kind of things, since I have a huge tendency to think and act like a loose cannonball (of course a cannonball can't really think, but I think you get the point).

And now that I'm here, the Pinoys (short for Filipinos) have started to ask me if I've started to feel homesick. This got me thinking. Of course I miss my family. I miss my friends. But separation is something everyone deals with, I guess. And I think I'm dealing with that quite amazingly (since I'm also the sentimental type). But I had to convince myself that I was really really okay.

So I rummaged through all the stuff I brought here with me. Looked for something that somehow bridges the gap between Bangkok and Manila. There's this Starbucks tumbler that a dear friend gave me: the red one with the picture of a jeepney. Basically, that's it. That's when I remembered how I had so much difficulty packing my things, since I didn't want to bring stuff that would make me miss Manila even more.

So I just went out to the terrace of my apartment and lit a cigarette (which is what I usually do when I wanna do those moments of introspection). Then I saw the silver band on my left ring finger. There it was: my test.

I don't know why I brought this ring with me. Or why I chose to wear this again when I left Manila. The ring's story is long and complicated (well, it's not really that long, but it really is complicated). It got me thinking a lot, made me lose some needed sleep, etc. So lemme just go straight to the point.

The ring obviously bound me to one person. Whether he still wears the ring or not, I can never be sure. Whether the reason for the ring still holds true, I will never know. This pains me until now, as I write this first blog entry.

So I'm making the decision to end all the drama. The ring now sits silently at the back of my closet. And like me, it will wait to see its partner. But for now, I don't want to be bound.